In Memoriam

I decided that, as a remembrance of the dynamic duo, I would use a picture of Pandora and Penelope, who, for those of you who don't know,* were my pet rats, as the featured livestock/rat for a period of time. Thanks a lot.





*I doubt anyone who reads this blog hasn't personally met me, so that might be unnecessary, but there you go.

Update No. 6

Eye chainjd ahl da feechrd tings. Woch da nu muzak videeoh. Ids wirth et jost fer da giter soaloh.

Whispers in the Dark

I love this song. And I think it matches the mood and atmosphere of my blog. I like the drummer, and yes, she is a girl.

Apologize

I like this song (Apologize by Timbaland and OneRepublic) and the music video is random but I like the photography.

Gore, Pt. 1

*sigh* Everyone takes me for granted. I didn't post for a more than a month, and no one pleads with me to post. Not even once. *double sigh*
Well, down to business. Considering what a big hit the Bob stories were, and also considering the Bob is, as it were, "on lockout," I have decided to renew interest in Ominous Presence, with a new series of short stories name Gore.
Yes, gore is what I write best.** So, here goes.
The cyclops lifted a monstrous, spiked club above his head, and brought it down on an innocent human. A squelch, and the creature lifted the weapon out of the ground. It was now covered in something resembling chunky tomato paste. The alien cyborg mutant zombie werewolf troll demon goblin vampire opened up with the roof-mounted, four barreled M-60 of his bright yellow Hummer. The cyclops' chest and face was peppered with pink entrance wounds, and his nine-foot girth tumbled to the ground on top of two propane tanks. The ACMZWTDGV, as if he just wanted to make sure, fired the machine gun for about another minute, and then got out and went to inspect the corpse. At that precise moment, the propane tank broke and ignited on the ACMZWTDGV's lit Marlboro. The dusty gravel driveway of Jehoshaphat's Gas was littered with red scraps and lank entrails. The concrete building was was coated with a film of crimson droplets.
All very gruesome. The jedi alighted gingerly on a oversized kidney, and activated his green lightsaber. His jedi-sense was tingling. Then, he suddenly was informed why when a ninja kicked him in the solar plexus. The jedi keeled over, and then jumped six feet in the air, landing on the ninja's head. With a unctuous snap, the spinal column telescoped. But, the jedi was surrounded by ninjas. Only, instead of the usual numchucks and bowstaffs, they carried powerful handguns. The jedi blocked the volley of bullets furiously, the projectiles vaporizing when they touched his blade. With lethal initiative, the jedi sliced every single one of them like sushi.

To be continued.
In case you were wondering, no, that doesn't have a plot.




**Not strictly true. My specialty is actually threatening, impenetrable fogs of sentences, whose meanings I gently shroud under staggering adjectives, and over use of commas, though these are not the only weapons I employ, and sometimes those sentences become cumbersome, and long, and hard to read, until the action of extracting meaning from them transforms into a daunting prospect, like building a rope out of sand.

Christmas Time Is Here!

Ah! Beautiful snow! It is, as you might have guessed, snowing at the time of posting, so I decided to do a REAL post to please certain pink parties that I shall not name. Winter is so nice, and the snow covered hillsides summon poems from within my lizard brain:
"Ode To Winter"
The soft footsteps of the ag'd years
Have all tread lightly in thy fine powder
In thy slush, scores of mittens have been soaked
In the walks thou hast blocked, many a muffled curse word has been
Utilized while shoveling
The loving, fairy touch of snowflakes on my frostbit brow
The unconcerned cries of "****" and "****" as people slip, stumble and fall on thy
Icy sidewalks
Bring untold peace to the Holiday Season



Just Kidding.

For the pleasure of the audience....

..... I have updated the featured things.

Weltanshuuang

Ok, fine Rachel, I'll post. ............. .. .. .. , YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*cough cough* *wheeze* *fall on floor, wait until my blood sugar goes down* *get up, dust myself off and continue with post* ANYway, I have nothing to post. *Sighs* *Thinks* *Lightbulb ignites over head*




The Custard Has Left the Creamery

Update No. 5

I forgot to mention that I received a very nice Takamine Jasmine S34C NEX for my birthday. That's a guitar, if you are wondering. I updated all my featured jigamathingies, and to appease the Madscientist gods, I used a guitar that WASN'T A GIBSON!! HOLY COW!! Refried beans rawk, amen.

Death In The Family 2

Pandora, my pet rat, died on Monday, I think it was a stroke. I knew it was coming for a while, so it wasn't a shock or anything, and I didn't want her to live too long after her sister died because she was so lonely.

Update No.4 in R major

I've updated the guitar, ride, quote, and have changed the featured livestock to featured livestock/RAT! Check it out, comment, and vote for Pedro.

Update No.3

Hello all. I've added the Featured Livestock, er.... feature under the Pajamas Media voting booth. The first featured livestock is an Ankole cow. Enjoy, live long and prosper, eat sauerkraut, and love rats.

Freestyle Writing pt.2

The pink fuzz shot out of the gaping hole in the space alien's scaly abdomen at such a velocity that Merv reformed into a puce hummingbird out of the pile of thousand island dressing that he was blasted into by the martians' freem death blasters.
The martians were clearly surprised, but that didn't last long. The opened up their pain-ray emitters, and despite Merv's ducking and weaving, he was hit in the middle of his little feathery tummy, and dropped into a vat of Mountain Dew. Of course, Mountain Dew is to hummingbirds as spinach is to Popeye, so Merv came back to consciousness with vengeance.
The air was filled with a bass thrum thrum thrum thrum. A giant hummingbird, streaked hot pink and lime green, rose from the vat dripping pop. It was at least six feet tall, and its wings created a ethereal blur around it. Its lengthy bill was razor tipped, a fact which the bird knew and utilized on three aliens before they realized they were getting attacked.
The beak was now covered with gore and green blood. Merv was mad, because they had killed his friend of course, but there was something about them killing him too that enraged him.


P.S. The featured guitar is hot, and I found someone who wrote just like me: Frederick Douglass. Read his book, The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass.

Freestyle Writing/No, I'm not dead in a swamp in Cambodia.

Hello. I'm bored and have no homework, so I guess I'll post something. I'm going to write, completely out of my head, trying hard to avoid possible reader comprehension and always steering away from a plot. Here goes.
The woodpecker shuddered as a giant fireball careened off the magnetically sealed walls of the small condo in a suburb of Akron, Ohio. "Freedom!" he yelled with great conviction, as the alien skull-borer ray turned his brains into something resembling tapioca pudding. The faithful minotaur, Merv, seeing the contents of his friend's head dashed out on the sidewalk, was possessed with a determination and strength, and consequently resumed the brute for hoeing of his front lawn with vigor. Yes, all seemed lost, but the maxim of Merv's third cousin, thrice removed on his mother's side, came back to him through the red mist of anguish at the passing on of his dear companion: "Let your pancreas be your pair of galoshes." This memory gave him comfort in the dark world of hi-def TV, Little Debbie's, and electric toothbrushes.
The icky green stalk-eyed aliens shot five, 3.14-second bursts with their Freem Death Blasters, and he was reduced to a pile of thousand island dressing.

Death in the Family

For those of you who don't know, my rat Penelope died of unknown causes on August 26th. That's all.